Accepted to Duke

I am back in the U.S. The flight home was uneventful, which was good! It's great to be home.

I got the call from Duke today. I got accepted. I'm really honored and happy that I went ahead and applied. They are FedEx'ing me the official letter (all the way from Durham 15 miles away). If I understood correctly, I have 3 weeks to respond. I have a meeting with my next VP this Thursday. I've accepted the fact that my group is not going to support me on this. But I am meeting with him anyway, just to get coaching on the future steps. It was very timely that I got accepted this week.

I have my first Accounting 210 test tomorrow night. It's really weird studying again!

Is There an Online "Free Expression Tunnel?"

First of all, updates on the diet. The diet is on life support. Due to my consuming work schedule of late, I have been able to run only about once in the last 10-12 days - and that was right after buying NEW running shoes! I am still not eating terribly bad, but I know I am at risk of falling off the wagon. I have stabilized around 240 pounds. I still have my "225 by 12/25" goal... and I think that if I can get work under control and then back to running by fall, I can still make that goal. I still have some level of motivation and will power... but my schedule is not helping. I think I called that a skipportunity a while back!

I must be crazy. Amidst a new job that is taking every waking non-showering hour, I now have something else on my plate... Accounting 210. To continue to get myself ready for entering MBA school (in the event that miracle occurs), I concluded that I needed to shore up my accounting skills. This is actually not a bad idea, even without the MBA aspirations. This class teaches about reading and preparing financial reports, which is something that I could have used when we had our business.

So here I am taking the online version of ACC 210 from NC State. So while I don't get to walk through the Free Expression Tunnel on my way to class daily, I can still remember the sights, smells, and sounds of rushing to class through the tunnel, or back to the dorm for a quick break.

By the time I got online to the course this week, I found that I needed to purchase an online book, read 2 chapters, and turn in homework within 2 days. So while I didn't need the added stress this will invariably bring to my life, it will certainly be preparatory for going into an MBA program, both in knowledge, and study discipline. I figured that if I couldn't handle this undergraduate class, then there would be no way to handle 4 graduate classes. So this is a test... but not only a test.

So when do I get my student ID so I can camp out for basketball tickets?

Mentally Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon

I'm tired. I just feel blah. I feel like the summer has passed me by, and without nary a true week - much less day - of rest. I guess that will be the story of my life for the next few years.

Right now, I'm uploading a huge file on our work teamroom so that is tying up the Lotus Notes application I need to do everything else I need to be doing today.

I feel like the diet has plateaued. I drop down to 235-ish, and then back up to 240-ish, over and over. Running is becoming more difficult it seems, though I have run just about every other day for the last 2 weeks. I feel like my endurance should be getting better, but it's not. The weather hasn't helped. It's still usually in the 70s when I go, which is not bad, but the humidity is often not good. And the air quality just seems poor. It's like I can't get in a full breath of air as a normal course of breathing.

Yesterday I took Seth & Caleb to the Styx and Boston concert at the Carolina Crossroads "amphitheatre?" in Roanoke Rapids. This was both the first concert I've ever been 10 minutes late arriving to, and also the first concert that has ever had the opening "name" act start promptly on time. By the time we got through the parking line, the ticket gate entry line, and the "assigned seating only - wristband required" line, Styx had already performed about half their set. Anyway, that place could have been run by the DMV, and gotten us to our seats quicker. The weather was nice, and I was close enough to get some decent pictures (Tom Scholz of Boston shown). The show was OK, as each band only had 1-2 original members and sound-a-like lead singers. Makes me all the more keen to catch another Rush concert before they finally retire. They're still the originals.

Anyway, I got my official GMAT scores. No change in the 620 I had, but I was pleased to get 5.5 out of 6 on my analytical writing assessments. This is scored on a 0.5 scale, so the next highest score is 6.0. I am starting a business case on determining if it's worth paying for the MBA myself, as if we could have a few yard sales and raise $103k. The thought of ever getting into and out of that program seems like a distant vapor now. I just feel like without making this move, my career future will be relegated to unwanted excessive travel doing something I'm not interested in but qualified for, an inability to move laterally to other divisions or companies, and experience-based learning void of academia. While that may marginally pay the bills, it doesn't sound very appealing for the next 20 years.

GMAT is DONE!

Well, that was humbling. After scoring 650 on the practice test last week, and feeling like I did better today while taking the GMAT this morning, I was a bit disappointed to end up with a 620 (out of 800). This puts me in the 72nd percentile. I was really thinking I could get near 700, but I didn't make it. Surprisingly, from a percentile basis, I did better on the verbal than on the quantitative (66 vs 63). It's not that I couldn't do the math problems. It's that I couldn't do them fast enough. I guessed on many of them, realizing that I could either spend 5 minutes and possibly be wrong and guess on other problems later... OR guess on the super hard ones, and spend time on the others I could do quicker. I guess that was a bad strategy. Anyway, it's over. It will take a few weeks to get the AWA scores back. I feel like I will do well on one and average on the other. We'll see.

So, having done that, I completed my Duke application tonight, and submitted that online. Maybe I'll get an acceptance letter from them, suitable for framing, and I'll just hang that on my wall for the next few years while I figure out how to get to actually attend and pay for the program.

All I know is that I am tired and glad to be through these 2 hurdles. To some extent, I've done all I can do now. Now I have to wait on Duke, and my job situation.

Weekend Update

This was a long, but productive weekend. First... I hit a new low in weight, thanks to bringing home leftovers Friday night (versus eating it all), and then a Saturday morning run, I captured a weight of 235.4 yesterday (nearly 44 lbs from the beginning). I'm not able to run as much as I would like due to the weather. Right now it's 10pm and 84 degrees. Can't run now.

Then I worked quite a bit Saturday preparing for a big meeting I have at work this Mon-Wed. This is the first big event of my new job, and so I hope that I am able to facilitate the meeting well, and establish some positive momentum.

Come Wednesday, I will be fully exhausted, just in time to take the GMAT on Thursday AM. I studied during the balance of my time this weekend, and took the official practice test. Surprisingly, I felt more comfortable with the verbal section than the math. I got stuck on a few math problems early on, and that caused me to have to guess at many math problems because I was running out of time. My practice score turned out to be 650 (out of 800) which is about 80th percentile. I will be pleased to get that on Thursday, though I would like to get closer to 700 just to feel like "I still got it!" I think I'm much improved in the verbal sections now than I was some 25+ years ago taking the SAT. I still need to study for the AWA (analytical writing assessment), but I will wing that to some extent.

I did manage to make it to the pool a few times this weekend, changed the flood light bulbs, and mowed the weeds, uh, grass. I ran that one time on Saturday, and rode my bike a bit today. While in the pool I threw, tossed, flipped, and launched my kids and others between 20 and 75 times. I posted some new pictures to picasaweb. I watched half a movie (College Road Trip), and went to church. Had a church picnic and a bunch of baptisms. I also watched an Andy Griffith episode from the color post-Barney era. I even kept the kids a bit while Lori hit the Saturday AM yard sales. But she kept the kids entertained the rest of the weekend. Then I wrote this blog post. And now I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is the 2nd first day of school for Luke. This time it's for real.

"Prospective Student" Visits Duke

Today was the big anti-climactic day for me at the Duke Fuqua School of Business. Today was the "prospective student" campus visit. I also had my application interview. I say "anti-climactic" not because I came away disappointed (I didn't), but because I knew that instead of this step being a few steps - and months - away from actually entering the program, it was instead still very much an uncertainty, with no definite path to fruition.

I was hoping that I would leave today with a sense of "belonging" or not. Did I fit in? Or would I feel out of place? Knowing that the chances are slim and none that I will be entering school in the next cycle which begins March 2009, would I still be interested in Duke? Would Duke still be interested in me? How patient am I?

Undoubtedly, as of today July 25, 2008, I believe that I will someday attend Duke's business school and work towards an MBA. Two months ago I would have never thought such a thing. Not because I didn't think it was possible, but it was not even a consideration then.

Today I experienced many unexpected things. First of all, SHY and QUIET me... as I sat at my table with the construction business owner from Asheville, the entrepreneur from India, the young executive from Wake Forest, and a Vice President of a brick company in Charleston, I found that it was me that was initiating the conversation and asking the questions of others. I also got out of my shell long enough to approach total strangers who were current students, and start talking to guys who looked like alternative band members, but who were so articulate and intelligent, I could not help but be engaged by what they were saying. I attended an actual class on Negotiations. I took in the material and answered in my head some of the questions the professor asked, as they discussed a film clip from the movie Wall Street.

I was impressed. And I felt at home. I felt like there was challenge there. Earlier in my education life, I sought more depth in Computer Science via advanced education at Ga Tech. The MBA is an advanced degree where I would broaden my scope and knowledge. I want that. I am eager for it.

My interview went very well, and I think I would be accepted should I apply. I showed my colorful business case charts to the interviewer. He seemed surprised - or perhaps flattered - that I would spend so much effort on a case to get myself into Duke. He complimented my "consultant" deck of charts, and then we were done. So I hope that showed my level of due diligence. At this point, my essays are done, and I have 2 of my 3 recommendations submitted. The last one should be posted this weekend. My plan we agreed to was that I would apply, without the letter of company support, and without any means for paying. And then they would send me a letter of conditional acceptance, provided I was accepted.

So I have done my homework. I will get the GMAT out of the way in 2 weeks, then I will leave it to God and IBM to decide what comes next and when. I am beginning to contemplate the thought of paying my way 100%. After buying DUKE shirts and/or shorts for everyone in my family, I can't possibly not go.

So what about the picture shown? While I would say that is "how I felt," the reality is that is Caleb (age 7) minus 2 front teeth, superimposed on a cellphone photo I took today at the student center. And right now, he and I are both just prospective students.

A Disappointing 24 Hours

Bottom line. My line VPs will not take my case forward because it is weak in their opinion due to my division's opinion that only a person clearly demonstrating himself as an executive would be under consideration. And since I have not had that level of exposure, the point is moot.

On the bright side, my VP offered me a new job reporting to him and leading a highly visible project. So, provided that goes well, I hope they will have a different opinion of me next year.

I still have the GMAT on August 7, and those scores are good for 5 years. I have the campus visit and interview this Friday. If, come January, I still have fire in my belly for the MBA, then I will consider applying into the last round (due Jan 15). I then may inquire again about sponsorship, or perhaps I will strike it rich by then and can pay my own way. I think the odds are slim that I would get company sponsorship AND be in a position to start in 2010. But maybe I'm just not patient enough.

A Setback

Talked to my VP today. Not the one that has to approve, or the one below her who I think will be supportive... but the first VP in my mgmt chain. His assessment was that our company would only send someone to a program like this if they were already an executive with high potential to be a senior VP. It was a very discouraging conversation. Basically the message was, "are you crazy?" The fact is that all the people I know from my company who've gone into this program, with one exception, have been 1st line managers.... One guy was not even a manager yet. That's the difference in being in my division and the other. Anyway, I knew this would be a fight and so it is.

Hopefully, I will look back on this day as the day I had 2 flat tires. This was one. And the other happened 2 miles from home on a bike ride. I got back on track and made it back home in the latter case, and intend to do the same in the former.

Busy Week

Just a quick update. I picked up a few pounds during my week off, despite exercising every other day. Trying to get back down to the "new low" range again.

I've gotten all 3 essays for Duke application nearly completed, and all 3 recommendation invites sent out. Duke has given me the green light on pre-qualification.

I am worried about company financial support. Specifically, my organization is not the organization that tends to spend money around here. Ironcially, we are the ones who carry the comany when it comes to revenue and profit. Go figure.

I've yet to find a person in the last 9 years from my org who has been supported in such a program. I found one from 10 years ago, but we have changed quite a bit in 10 years. And that person said they knew of one person in my org who applied for the Duke program a few years ago but the org told him they would not pay for that, and to go somewhere cheaper, and so he went to UNC. I checked online, and UNC's b-school is about 22% cheaper, which is not that much of a difference, honestly. My next plan of action is to make a case that I can use to convince my vice-president to support me.

This has been a rough week back at work. I've not studied for the GMAT at all. I worked until 2:30am Tuesday night, then was up at 6:30am for a shower and 7am call.

Off This Week, But Busy

I took off all this week, and have been trying to move forward the MBA ball. Here are the main planets (aka dependencies) on my list that need to align:

1. Conduct discussions with trusted colleagues (done)
2. Convince myself that this is the right thing to do at this time in my life and career (done)
3. Need sponsorship from my company (application submitted)
4. Do well on the GMAT (scheduled for August 7 - I'm studying now)
5. Get 3 letters of reference (3 people identified and informed)
6. Write 3 essays (I have topics in mind)
7. Transcripts ordered and sent to Duke (done)
8. Resume updated and sent to Duke (done)
9. Pre-qualification by Duke (pending review of resume and transcripts)
10. Campus visit (July 25)
11. Interview (TBD)
12. Get my application in on time (August 13)
13. Get accepted (4-6 weeks later)
14. Get my job restructured so that it can be done in 40 hours a week starting in March, not 60
15. Last but not least, get spousal support (I think I have that)

I have been studying the GMAT math portions the last 2 days, to brush up on some of the basic geometry and algebra needed. I've taken many practice questions, and have gotten to the point where I'm not missing questions because I don't know (as was the case last week), but because I am being careless. And so, I can fix that.

I'm switching gears to study verbal sections now. Hopefully, I've gotten better since my SAT days! Fun fun.

We just got back in town tonight after being in Richmond and/or Danville since Sunday. So the vacation is half over.

Why I Want an MBA

That title sounds so definitive. It should say, "Why I think I want an MBA." Today I found out that in order for my company to pay for this, it would have to be funded by my business unit. That will be tricky as my business unit is rather adverse to spending money. On a brighter note, I talked to someone in a different business unit, who is in the program at Duke, and he commented that several other people in his organization have also been through the program.

OK so here goes. I began my career with a B.S. and M.S. in Computer Science from NC State and Georgia Tech, respectively. I was very technical then, and I did well in my career early on. I enjoyed solving hardcore technical problems, and developing strategic and tactical solutions. It wasn't long before I was a team leader, a role that I performed with enthusiasm and vigor. I began studying creative ways to motivate and lead teams. After a significant international deployment of a solution I architected and helped develop, I changed jobs to a position where I was an engagement manager for a program product. In this capacity, I got to work directly with clients worldwide, building relationships with both clients and the product developers. It was clear that my skills were evolving to be more relationship- and management-based and less technical-based.

After that stint, I became an official project manager, and went through the Project Management Institute certification process. I subsequently was certified in my company's rigorous Project Management Professional program. Soon afterwards, I left my company on a leave of absence for 3 years to run my wife's stay-at-home-mom business Celebration Cottage which ultimately became a 14-employee company operating in 2700 square feet of prime office space. In this capacity I served as president, CEO, CFO, CIO, IT department, marketing manager, graphics department manager, printer repair technician, and building maintenance services technician, all in one. Oh, the joys of entrepreneurship.

So here is where I first realized I needed an MBA. I knew how to run that business - just based on common sense and my PM training. What I didn't know was how to MANAGE that business, or GROW that business, or OPTIMIZE that business, or TRANSFORM that business. After 9/11, our sales slumped, as our product line was exclusively a high-end discretionary expense. The technical barriers to entry into this type of work were also becoming fewer and fewer. We weathered the 9/11 downturn, but in 2003 I decided to return to work after my 3rd year of leave. I wanted the security of a constant paycheck over the flexibility and thrill of running my own business. There were other factors, but indeed, our business had grown to the point where it would require a more advanced set of business skills to maintain or grow, and I simply did not have those skills or confidence. So, I went back to my corporate job in 2003, and then we sold the business in 2004, at what I would say was its peak in value. All in all, it was a good thing.

I've been in first line management ever since, but most recently have a position as an operations manager for a large portion of our internal IT work. In this capacity, I am involved in strategic initiative rollout, overall financial management, and organizational strategic planning. I am being exposed to and have influence with larger and larger aspects of our business, including many global programs. I have continued to build relationships with people and hone my communications skills.

With the business we had, I experienced a taste of true end-to-end business management, though on a small scale. In my current role, I am working with senior managers and executives in influencing global business decisions and activities. I believe that I have the interpersonal and communications skills to succeed at many organizational levels in my company. What I lack is the technical business foundation that would allow me to think and lead strategically, to optimize and grow a business, and to manage an organization. I believe that an MBA will give me the formal knowledge and confidence to tackle greater career challenges.

I liken myself to the amateur golfer who never had any golf lessons, but excelled in baseball from T-Ball through college. He knows the physics of golfing, how to swing a stick at a ball, and has studied "How to improve your short game" articles in various golf magazines. He has played many fine courses over his lifetime. He scores OK, but that is really more on natural talent than anything else. It's time to go to golf school. How much better can he be if given proper instruction with the right experiences? Quite a bit, I believe.

FORE! I'm playing through!

Moving Forward

The progress towards the MBA consideration continues. I haven't had much time to study for the GMAT in the last few days, but I do have transcript requests for NC State and Ga Tech ready to go in the mail tomorrow. I also have found my company's website where I can apply for the "Degree Work Study Program."

I initiated an online application at Duke. It's quite involved. There are 3 essays along with lots of other material. I've been listening to some MBA podcasts and they say to spend 60-100 hours on your essays, and 2 months studying for the GMAT. The application initiation prompted a note from the admissions coordinator, who said "We see you have started an application, though we have not met... won't you please give us a call sometime." So I wrote back and said, "Sure!" and gave them a little info about me. The the response was, "Send us your resume and transcripts and GMAT scores and then let's talk." So, hence, I have initiated my transcripts, and will work on my resume update this weekend. GMAT will be later - but I will take it soon.

Between my company's application, and Duke's application and/or interview, I know that I am going to have to address WHY I am wanting to do this. So I think I will write about that here, though it is a bit late to write about it tonight.

Random Updates This Weekend

Right now I am running in import in Hyperion and figured I would blog something while it ran.

Caleb's front tooth is hanging on a thread.

This AM I weighed and was 2/10 (3 ounces) from my "40 by the 4th" goal of 239.2 pounds. What's 3 ounces? A piece of toast? So close.

I have been studying for the GMAT. I can handle the math. The Critical Reasoning is blowing my mind. Haven't gotten to the other stuff.

How can I change career directions, study and pass the GMAT, and complete my application to MBA school (including 3 essays by me, and 3 lengthy written recommendations by others) by mid-August? Only God knows!

Back to School?

Last weekend I had this crazy thought. Without sharing too much personal information here, I have recently, and very quickly, been transformed from someone who was not so concerned about his salary, to someone who is. So I am now contemplating what I can do in my career to make sure I am competitive and paid well. And while I sort of like what I am doing right now, the simple fact is that I am going to need to become more aggressive in planning my work future. Formerly, I don't think that I was very driven. I got my job done and did it well. I didn't, however, aspire for greater position. I think I need to change that mindset, or I will be henceforth stalled. I am almost 44 years old, and I have at least another 15-17 years I need to work to get the kids through college.

Over the past many years, I've struggled with my career choice. A Computer Science B.S. and M.S. served me well for the first 5 years of my career when I was in technical roles. Since then, it's been leadership, project management, management, and most recently, operations & program management.

I've been content in my recent positions, though sometimes bored. That has changed in the last year as I've had more orgnizational scope and executive visibility. I was recently working closely with my director, who was an outstanding leader who has taught me a lot. He has now changed jobs, and I'll be helping the new guy get used to his new turf.

My "next moves" are potentially to get promoted and stay in my same role. Or promote to a 2nd line management position in my same division. Or I could craft a position for myself as a part of a global program I am involved with. Or move laterally to a management position in another division. Or I could leave, which is always the biggest unknown. I think there are plenty of opportunities at my company, and going elsewhere would entail riding on my current credentials more so than my "potential" that may be valued higher where I am.

So the crazy idea was this... What if I went back to school? Specifically, what if I went back to school in Duke University's Executive MBA program? Afterall, they have the #4 ranked Executive MBA program in the nation, and they're local.

On a whim, I mentioned this to my manager. She was encouraging and thought I would do great in such a program. But did I want to be an executive, she asked. Huh? Why would I want to do that? Oh... It is the Executive MBA program. Her words encouraged me a lot. She said "I've always told you - you can do anything you want to do." It comes down to "What do YOU want to do?" she told me. That conversation has haunted me all weekend long.

So I have been pondering and contemplating this for the last 4-5 days, and for the first time in many years, I am starting to feel excited about my career. For years, when I had to define my "individual development plan" I had a hard time conveying anything of interest 3-5-10 years in the future. I have been ambivilant and indifferent about my future career options.

So with such a career comes some challenges I fear. One, the time commitment. Well, I'm already working 10-11 hour days doing my current job. It's not that bad, and I don't know that I could do more than that, if needed. Also there's the travel fear. I don't mind occasional travel, but I don't want to get into any role where travel is expected 50-100% of the time. I want to put my family first. I don't want to wake up at age 50 in some significant job on the road and not know who my kids are. I discussed all this with Lori today, and she was very supportive, and even seemed a little excited. She would be a key element to anything I do.

The way the Duke Weekend Executive MBA program works is this: For 20 intense months, you will strengthen core business skills, be exposed to different perspectives on current business issues and build a strong network of peers. Beginning in March, you attend classes all day Friday until 5:30 pm and Saturday until 3pm on Duke’s campus on alternating weekends. Friday night stays are included in the tuition and are considered part of the weekend residency.

So that sounds like a lot, but also sounds like it would be a great experience. Registration for 2009 ends mid-August, so I have about 2 months to decide if this is something I want to pursue this round... and to find out if I can get IBM to help pay for it.

So that's what's on my mind. I will certainly be in prayer about this decision, and I will be consulting several people for their counsel, all of whom are leaders and trusted friends or colleagues.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to go to school at Duke. If the MBA doesn't work out, I still have 4 years of eligibility to play college basketball.