I've often written about dreams I've had about my father since he passed away in 2015. Those dreams are always special because it's like I'm with him again, if for only a brief period. Last night, I had a dream about Mom, who passed away in 2021.
I was in Danville for some reason. I remember driving down a road from West Main Street down to the river. It was one long steep hill and I was thinking that a loss of brakes would be catastrophic. The hill in my dream was probably about 3x as long as any real such hill in Danville. After this ride on the steep hill, I was nearby Stratford House, the assisted living place where Mom spent her last 6 years. Like any dream that doesn't make sense, in reality, Stratford House is located at the top of that hill, not the bottom. Anyway...
I decided to go into Stratford and say "Hello" in the event I recognized any of the staff. I was in the lobby, which was not like the actual lobby, but a narrow hallway into a small sitting area. I saw two employees and spoke to them. They began talking about my Mom in the present tense. I reminded them that she had passed way several years ago. They looked to their left (my right) and smiled. Around the corner stood my Mom!
She was standing straight and had great color. She looked to be in her 70's and looked very healthy and happy. She was smiling big! I hugged her and asked how she was. She said she was WONDERFUL! She was doing GREAT! It was the most positive I had ever heard her speak! I was crying uncontrollably as I hugged her because I was so happy for her and happy to see her.
I woke up and my eyes were wet and the dream was over.
I tried to find a picture of her that exemplified the happiness I saw in my dream, and I think this picture is the only one that comes close - if you multiply it by 10!
Now that AI is catching on with everything, why not apply that to news so that citizens can truly get all sides of a news story? Sounds like a good idea at first glance. But those of us in I/T know that while artificial “intelligence” sounds like it could be a nirvana of truthfulness, under the covers there is still programming, programmed by programmers, who themselves are human (not artificial), may or may not be intelligent, and inherently not unbiased. So I’m always skeptical of any news story I read or see, even from sources that claim to be showing me “all sides” to a story.
Full disclosure… I am a conservative (or what the left would call a right-wing extremist fascist). I believe in free speech, gun rights, America, God, you should judge a person by the content of their character not by the color of their skin, capitalism, and that men should not compete in women’s sports unless it’s a sort of Billy Jean King vs Bobby Riggs thing. I get most of my news from either the source itself (what the actual subject of the news says or does) or from The Babylon Bee, America’s #2 fake news site, behind CNN. With that said, I recently heard about ground.news.
At first glance, it looked pretty helpful. It shows a news story, and the number of news outlets deemed left, center, or right which reported on the story. It has some nice graphs and links to the actual stories. Now, right away my critical thinking kicks in because I’ve seen that Media Bias graphic that shows the bell curve of all the news outlets and where they are on the spectrum. Left or right? More or less reliable? The fact that PBS, NPR, and AP are anywhere near the middle immediately discredits this - what would otherwise be a - nice graphic, IN MY OPINION. But I digress...
Back to ground.news... So someone (AI programmed by perfectly intelligent unbiased humans, I hope) has to determine where each news source falls on the left/center/right continuum. Maybe they get it directly from this chart.
But let’s just say they are 100% accurate on that. Then my next question is how much of the ground.news content is "sins of commission" or "sins of omission." The former would mean this site itself is making up or skewing news to mislead the reader. The latter would mean this site leaves out some news for whatever reason. If I’m coming to ground.news as my primary unbiased multi-sided news aggregation source, I would expect to see all sides of all the important news.
I decided to do a few quick tests of some recent news that, as a conservative, I found interesting. I’d like to see what the other side has to say (even though I’d already seen this because I read opposition comments and stories on social media all the time).
News Story 1: Transgender sports ban heads to NC governor's desk
Here's that story on ground.news showing the CENTER summary:
Here's that story on ground.news showing the LEFT summary:
I found the descriptions between the left and center to be almost identical. I was pleased to see that an exact report from our local ABC11 news was cited as left-leaning, and it’s one I had retweeted a few weeks ago. Strangely, there was “not enough unique coverage to create a summary” for the right. I call B.S. on that. To get the “right” viewpoint on this story, you merely need to replace the phrase “transgender girls” with “biological males”. I quickly did a search and found a story that summarized that viewpoint.
Without this "right" viewpoint, the reader might think that the mean old Republicans just hate transgender people in general and don't want them to compete in sports. That's basically what the headline of the left and center articles says and/or implies. The right (and correct, in my opinion) headline should be: "North Carolina has given final legislative approval to a bill banning biological males from playing on school sports teams for biological females." THAT is the viewpoint from those on the right that ground.news failed to share.
So I think this report from ground.news fails on both sins of commission (for equating the left and center viewpoints) and sins of omission (for omitting the right viewpoint).
News Story 2: FBI defies subpoena on Biden corruption case
They only had one story on this one, and not only was it right, it was from (wait for it)... RUSSIA! And of course, had an extra warning!
Well, that should immediately be disregarded because we all know the Republicans and Russians are one and the same (according to the media from the past 7 years). This news is so much disinformation, there are no left-leaning stories about it! But wait, this actually happened! In fact, here's a report from the actual US House Oversight Committee website.
Now, I am as distrusting of the government as anyone, even when the Republicans are in charge of something. But come on, ground.news and news organizations on the left, there are more than enough curious things going on with these Bidens and the House is looking into it and subpoenaed the FBI. And when they stiff-arm the House and fail to comply, that's not news? Oh but wait, the left (or center, if you think NBC is not left) did report on this.
But ground.news failed to pick that up. So if you were searching ground.news for info you heard from your crazy conservative co-worker about the FBI not providing documentation to the House Oversight Committee, you might quickly conclude this is just more Russia disinformation to help Trump because that's essentially what ground.news showed you. So I deem that one definitely a sin of omission.
News Story 3: Hunter demanded $10M from Chinese energy firm because 'Bidens are the best,' have 'connections'
Here's another one that only has sources on the right, according to ground.news:
In this case, there are 2 (or 3?) and none are Russian. Yet, here's one of MANY other stories about this from left and/or right news sources.
There are also stories about this where Joe "The Big Guy" Biden denies involvement in his son's international business dealings, but you've probably heard those. If you went to ground.news to fact-check this "conspiracy theory" from your crazy MAGA neighbor, you might just think it was a big nothingburger. Again, these are sins of omission on the part of ground.news.
Granted, I cherry-picked three stories I knew about to test my hypothesis. But the results from ground.news were similar. In one, the right-leaning counter viewpoint was excluded completely, thereby presenting to the reader only one side of a story. In the other two, only the right-leaning articles were shown, which could imply the stories have no merit or are more examples of right-wing conspiracy theories, especially when one is single-sourced from Russia Today. Yet, there were corroborating stories from the left that ground.news omitted. These sins of omission, though similar in act, are misleading in very different ways. One omits a contrary viewpoint. The other omits a corroborating viewpoint. But the result is the same: the reader is no more informed had they simply watched CNN, MSNBC, or FOX alone. In fact, the reader may be MORE misled because they went to ground.news thinking they were finally getting a balanced view of reality.
I also went to ground.news' home landing page, assuming they would tell me what was important as "TODAY'S NEWS". What I found was that they were leading with many fluff stories about things that really have no impact on me and the future of this country (in my opinion), such as the economy/inflation, the illegal immigration crisis, rising crime due to anti-police trends, the weaponization of federal government agencies, and the culture wars which are dividing this nation more than any time in our history. It could be that I need to subscribe and set my profile to show me the news I'm most interested in. Or it could be that on a Saturday afternoon, there is no important news for me. They did have a section called "Blindspots" which seems to show stories on both left and right which are exclusively covered by one but not the other (and perhaps warrant the alternative coverage).
In conclusion, I think the key thing to be aware of when using such sites is the sin of omission. This is as powerful a tool as outright fake news. Both were systematically used in 2020 by left ideologues in the government to force social media outlets to omit the Hunter Biden laptop story (omission) under the lie that the laptop story was Russia disinformation (commission). Additionally, users who shared the story were banned (censorship). As we now know, this was the true conspiracy.
So my warning to anyone using ground.news (or any other news aggregator): Don't assume you're getting a balanced and holistic view of the news, even if that's the core of their mission. Remember that behind every news aggregation site, whether done by AI or Ivy-league dropouts in their parents' basements, there are humans with biases, whether or not intentional. And it's worth noting that numerous analyses indicate that journalists, in general, are heavily comprised of left-leaning folks when examining campaign contributions. This article alone cites cases of 96% (Democrat) vs 4% (Republican) during a 2015-2016 span. Another was 94% (D) (2008-2016). Another was 65% D in the 2010 election cycle. Another was 87% D or liberal causes between 2004-2007. So when I hear that some good-hearted journalists are getting together to form a venture to help provide "balanced news" to citizens who just want to know the truth, I am highly skeptical.
And that is why I trust The Babylon Bee. It may be satire at first, but if you wait long enough, it sometimes turns out to be more truth than anything else.
Yesterday, I turned 57. I'm a sentimentalist and enjoy reviewing old memories, be they photographs, videos, letters, emails, blog posts, or even social media posts. So it's time to reflect and put another stake in the ground about what I was thinking on October 3, 2021.
This year's birthday is especially memorable as it comes exactly one month after I first noticed the song "Trip Around the Sun," sung by Jimmy Buffett and Martina McBride. Lori and I were spending a weekend at Emerald Isle, NC, and would often play the Jimmy Buffett station on Sirius XM. I'd heard this song many times in the background over the past year or so but finally noticed the lyrics last month, while driving back to our hotel on Route 58, at night, with the top down on the convertible, on a beautiful September evening, riding next to the love of my life and best friend.
Here's the video, which was appropriately filmed in Charleston, SC:
This song has caused me to reflect quite a bit on life, and how fleeting it is. I spent the first half of my adult life dreaming of living on an island and running a Caribbean beach bar tiki hut without a care in the world. You know, sort of like the stories Jimmy Buffett's songs portray on a regular basis. In the second half of my adult life, reality set in, and my dreams turned to raising our 3 sons to be responsible adults and making ends meet by managing a family budget while trying to advance my career and manage my weight. Now, this most recent "trip around the sun" introduced what I guess will be the "third half" of my adult life: retirement, health, aging, and perhaps being grandparents someday.
Here I'm singin' happy birthday
Better think about the about the wish I make
This year gone by ain't been a piece of cake
Indeed, this last year has not been a piece of cake - in a double entendre sort of way. Both my in-laws passed away in 2020, and a large portion of the past 18 months has been spent emptying their home and barns of their possessions. It has been no small feat, both emotionally and physically, and I've written about that in my blog. Thankfully, our children are old enough to stay at home alone, as Lori and I have spent countless weekends in Hanover doing the work required. Thanks to an excellent realtor we're working with, the home is now beautiful and under contract to close this week.
And then there was COVID. What a pain that has been for everyone.
The other "piece of cake" "this year gone by" "ain't been" is literally, the nice large piece of cake I don't (can't) have due to the bariatric surgery I had in September 2020. It's all good, however. I can still have a small piece!
Everyday's a revolution
Pull it together and it comes undone
Just one more candle and a trip around the sun
I'm just hangin' on while this old world keeps spinning
And it's good to know it's out of my control
If there's one thing that I've learned from all this livin'
Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go
These lyrics remind me how out of control we really are in life. Sure, we can control a lot of our destiny by working hard, planning, budgeting, and praying. I'm a firm believer in that. But there is peace in knowing that we can't control everything. There needs to be room in our lives for divine guidance - or destiny, if you prefer - to chart our course. First, it makes life more interesting, and second, it gives us opportunities to grow and learn when dealing with life by reacting to circumstances instead of always trying to define them.
No you never see it comin'
Always wind up wonderin' where it went
Only time will tell if it was time well spent
It's another revelation
Celebrating what I should have done
With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun
Ouch. This reminds me of the many deathbed quotes that we've all heard in various forms. "No one ever said on their deathbed, 'I wish I'd spent more time on my business." Or accumulating money. Or buying stuff. Indeed, the most valuable currency in life is time, and "only time will tell if it was time well spent." This is a reminder that the "souvenirs" we collect are no match for the memories we collect during the valuable time well spent with our loved ones and friends.
I'm just hangin' on while this old world keeps spinning
And it's good to know it's out of my control
If there's one thing that I've learned from all this livin'
Is that it wouldn't change a thing if I let go
Yes I'll make a resolution
That I'll never make another one
Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun
Just enjoy this ride
So as the song wraps up, I am drawn back to the video Jimmy and Martina made. The contrasts are good examples: Jimmy flying his plane, enjoying the spoils of his labor, living his dream. Meanwhile, Martina hangs out on the beach-access walkway. But eventually, both families are together, enjoying a low-country meal, and some songs by the beachside fire.
As I embark upon my 58th trip around the sun, I want to be sure to enjoy those times that are not just tied to the souvenirs I collect on my journey. But also enjoy family and friends, thankful for the fact that I can still walk up and down stairs without holding onto the railing.
I have been woefully absent from blogging about my bariatric journey. My last post on this subject was right after Thanksgiving, 12 weeks post-op. At that point, I had reached 237 lbs, which was a major improvement over the 305.1 which was my maximum. I haven't written about this since then, because nothing significant has happened from a bariatric / weight-loss perspective. Well, other than I continued to lose about 1.5 - 2 pounds a week, every week, until March 21. Around that time, I reached the triple-digit club - I had lost 100 pounds down to less than 205! That was a major milestone. I figured I'd wait a few more weeks, and get under 200, and then write my next blog post. Well, then I went up and down between 200.5 and 204 for the next 6 weeks! Then, finally, on May 6, I dipped under 200 for the first time since I was a teenager. And now, I am celebrating!
This past weekend, I did what might be construed as an exhibit of prideful narcissism: I made a video chronicling my journey - and success. I added music featuring Rush's song "Mission" from the 1987 album Hold Your Fire. That song has always been motivational to me, and I think it goes well with the video. I don't want to ever forget - or take for granted - this accomplishment. And maybe this will inspire someone else.
It really is surprising to look back at how big my face - and body - was before I did this. When my kids saw this video, they were shocked at how much they DIDN'T remember me being so big - even though it was only 8+ months ago.
Anyway, this is not just about how I look, but about how I feel. It's stunning how much of a difference 105 pounds makes. I currently use some 30 pound dumbbell weights for some strength exercises. Those things are HEAVY! And I've lost 3 1/2 of them from my body! I know my organs and joints are happier for the lighter burden. I am more flexible and I have more energy. I can turn over in bed without a major effort. That used to be so difficult! I can do physical activities without requiring a break every few minutes. I've begun incorporating a small amount of jogging into my walks, and it feels soooo good to not feel like I'm running uphill through Jell-O as I once described my struggle. My only problems now are my hip (which needs replacement) and my knees (which are already sub-par due to past meniscus surgeries). I'm trying to take it easy, while wondering if every running step will be my last. There's just such a more intense feeling of satisfaction after running, as compared to walking. Endorphins.
My clothing wardrobe has turned over completely. I've removed all the size 40-48 pants and 2XL and 3XL shirts, relegating them to the attic. It's not that I think I might need them again, but I'm also saving them for my son in the event he eventually does this surgery and needs those sizes. At least that's what I'm telling myself. I've resurrected all my old T-shirts from my 20's and 30's which are in the XL range. I've also received some suitably-fitting clothes from a friend's father, as well as from my own father-in-law, both of whom passed away in the past year. More positively, however, was a trip to Belks I took about a month ago. I needed some casual shorts and shirts, as I had NONE in my size, which I later found out was size 36 waist (pants) and size L or XL (shirt). For every style of shorts or shirt I liked at Belks, they had sizes that fit. That is such a far cry from prior experiences where none of the cool clothes fit, and the only options were what could be found in the Big & Tall section. I literally shed a tear that day in Belks, as I was so happy to be able to wear "anything" I wanted. Non-surgical victory.
As for food, here's where I am. I can pretty much eat anything I want. The key is that I still can't each much of it. I can eat about the same amount that would fit in a small bowl or plate. I have not eaten anything that made me immediately sick. However, there are some foods that make me feel a little yechy: anything very sweet, such as some breakfast cereals or syrup, anything very bready, including subs or a burger. The closest I came to being sick was when I had a small bowl of a sweet cereal, followed by a small glass of orange juice. I think it was just too much sweetness or acid in the OJ. Anyway, I was fine within 15 minutes. For the most part, when we eat out, I will immediately divide the portions into 1/2 or 1/3 and only eat what I can hold. The rest are leftovers. Which reminds me: I think the financial benefit of getting 2x or 3x out of your food budget should be factored into any bariatric surgery business case. I can often get 3 meals out of what is served at restaurants. I think that as long as I continue to eat the small amount I'm eating, I will maintain my weight. In the last 6 weeks, I have found myself more hungry in between meals. In those cases, I need to make good choices. I will sometimes have some peanuts or a few thin Oreos or a piece of candy. But other times I will have a fruit or a protein bar or some peanut butter on a rice cake. If /when I have a beer, it is indeed only one beer, and that might take 30 - 45 minutes to drink. I've had maybe 2-3 sodas in the past 6 months, and don't really crave that. I still love iced tea (sweetened with Stevia) and my 1 coffee per day.
I've lost enough weight now to where I get the invariable double-take looks when I see someone for the first time in a long time. People have said they "seriously" didn't recognize me, and if I didn't say anything they would not have known it was me. I can believe it. I hardly recognize myself either! For those who were used to and comfortable with Big Blain, I know it looks like I've gone too far, and maybe even look sickly. You might implore me to not lose any more weight. But I think that is due to comparing me to the 250-305 pound version of me for the last 30+ years. That version of me was not healthy. Please realize that I am now at the size I was when I started college. I looked OK and was pretty healthy then, and I think I look OK now, and know I am healthier than I was 8+ months ago. I still may lose some more weight. My doctor was targeting me to get to about 185. While I am perfectly OK with where I am now, I'm not going to TRY to NOT lose any more. My doctor says that successful patients usually will reach their goal, then gain back 10-15 pounds, and then hopefully stay there. So I still may lose a little more, and that's OK. You can see on the weight graph, I've sort of plateaued around 200 the last 6 weeks. Hope to stay there, or lower!
One of the areas I've tried to improve upon lately is strength training - mainly in my arms and core. I've always been good about walking, so my legs are in pretty good shape. But my arms have definitely lost some muscle the last 8 months. I've been doing some in-home strength exercises, including the dreaded plank. I'm up to 1 min 45 seconds on the plank. I try to add 5 seconds every week.
I'll end this post with this last picture from a walk/run I did last week. The perspective of the camera being on the ground makes me look a lot taller and thinner than I am, but I still like this picture. I like what the sign says. Like many prior diets, there was always an ending point. The trail of losing weight ended, and then I returned back from whence I came. This time, I'm crossing the threshold. The trail does not end here. The journey will continue, and it will continue forward, not backwards.
Last night, I had a somewhat funny dream about my deceased father-in-law Gerald Dillon. We were at his farm preparing for the upcoming estate sale, and he had somehow come back to life. He came driving out from behind the house (where the barns are) and was driving a tractor. It had some sort of improvised leaf blower on it, and he was driving around as the equipment blew all the pollen off the ground as he drove by.
Then the next scene he was driving around another piece of equipment and it had something else mounted to it for some special purpose. Can't remember what, but it was like a demonstration of the various farm tasks he had rigged his equipment to handle. There was even an old white truck with red letters that I believe was probably a truck version of the David Brown tractor he had.
There was other equipment we hadn't noticed when we inventoried the barn contents. He kept bringing them out displaying their usefulness. We were sort of worried that he was mad that we were selling his equipment.
The next scene he and I were on a highway and he was driving the John Deere tractor IN THE PASSING LANE and was passing cars! I didn't know that tractor would go that fast! It had a seat facing forward, but also had a seat facing backwards because that was yet another modification he'd done, because, you know, sometimes you have to drive your tractor backwards! We were going to some sort of campground for a festival or something. I wish I could remember more of the details because it was an interesting dream!
