12 Weeks Post-op: The 2015 Rush Concert T-Shirt Finally Fits

Five years, five months, and twenty-one days ago, on June 6, 2015, I wrote a long winded blog post titled, "What I Write About When I Write About Running."  That was soon after my 54 year old brother-in-law had died (too soon), as well as my first boss when I worked at Winn-Dixie in the 1980's (he was an extremely healthy runner).  The preciousness of life was surely at the forefront of my mind.  That was four months before my Dad died in October of the same year.  

In that post, I went on and on about my most recent come-to-Jesus moment about dieting and fitness.  I had just attended a Rush concert (one of the last before legendary drummer Neil Peart died in early 2020) with two of my best friends from elementary and high school, respectively.  I had purchased a concert T-shirt - the largest size they had - 2XL.  It didn't fit then as I weighed 284.8 pounds at the time.  I vowed to return to a smaller size and wear that shirt, which I proudly displayed in my 2015 blog post as I waxed eloquently about life, Rush, and running.  

I planned to accomplish my goal by running - a go-to exercise that I actually enjoyed back in my 20's due to the endorphin rush it used to give me.  Nothing drops weight on me like vigorous exercise.  I read the Haruki Murakami book about running and psyched myself up real good, as I had so often done on every other diet.  I set out to running (jogging) alternating with walking every 1/10 of a mile, much in the style of Henry Dillard, who knew how to progress from 1/10 to 2 miles, literally one step at a time over the course of weeks.  Well, that scheme didn't last long as I incurred knee pain in one knee and then the other, which later led to torn meniscuses in both, requiring surgeries in 2016 and 2017.  The days of the 280 pound running man were short-lived.  And over. 

Many diets and exercise regimens later, I had bariatric surgery 3 months ago.  I articulated my logic and decision in "It's About to Get Real."  I wrote all that backstory to set up this picture.  Finally, after 5+ years, I can comfortably wear that darn Rush concert T-shirt from 2015.  This is what those in the bariatric community call an NSV - non-scale victory.  In other words, it's a mental / emotional victory not measurable on a scale or with a tape measure.  

Since my last blog post at 8-weeks post-op, I had another NSV worth mentioning.  All my size 46-48 waist jeans are too big for me.  I can't yet fit in the stack of size 38's Levi's I have waiting from the 1990's, so I was shopping on Amazon for a size 40.  I followed the link I used to buy the 48's and literally cried a tear of joy when the size 40 was not an option... in the Big & Tall section where I was looking.  I had to look in the "regular" clothes section.  Happy day.

Speaking of T-shirts and NSVs, I have begun the process of removing the 3X and relaxed-fit 2X sized T-shirts from my drawers.  In their place, I have rotated in many 2XL shirts that were always a little tight and maybe even some XL shirts that are loose.  These are shirts ranging from 5-20 years old.  I have quite a selection of T-shirts from our honeymoon in Australia in 1997.  Many of those were XL and only worn a few times as Lori got pregnant soon afterwards and I put on "pregnancy sympathy pounds" that never came off.  The 3X shirts and size 46-48 pants are going into storage, hopefully never to be used again.  

The last month has definitely continued the trend towards normal eating.  By normal I mean that I can eat just about anything I used to eat, I just can't eat a lot of it.  I still can fill up and feel satisfied with only a handful size portion of anything.  Previously, some foods, especially if eaten too fast, would feel like I'd swallowed a rock for a few minutes.  I still haven't thrown up even once.  About 6 weeks ago, I could only eat about half a Five Guys single cheeseburger.  About 2 weeks ago, I ate about 90% of a single cheeseburger from Five Guys.  This past week, I ate an entire Whopper Junior cheeseburger from Burger King.  I'm not trying to work my way up to eating a regular Whopper cheeseburger AND a chicken sandwich as I once could/would do.  I'm just trying to point out that there is a reasonable "small/regular" size of foods that I can tolerate now.  In fact, in some restaurants, I will order a kids' meal and be satisfied with that.  In other cases, I will order a full entree, and divide it into halves or thirds and get 1-2 additional meals out of it.  

This brings to mind the advice my surgeon gave me: pre-measure my meals before I eat them.  We are so used to filling or over-filling a plate and then joining the "Clean Your Plate Club" that it is a hard habit to break.  So that is the type of mindfulness I am trying to do now.  

I have been able to enjoy a coffee after breakfast now.  I don't have it every day, but perhaps I could.  I'm still having a 1-egg omelette or a scrambled egg 2-3 times a week.  I have a small bowl of cereal 2-3 days a week.  One day last week, I had a single pancake for breakfast.  Man that was so good.  I can have a whole Chick-fil-A sandwich now.  We are cooking healthy meals at home about 2-3 times a week from Hello Fresh which is really good (and fun).  I can have an occasional beer without issues.  My energy level is great and I feel so much better not lugging around 68 extra pounds. 

Mentally, I am very happy right now, but also in new territory.  I've lost weight down to the 230s-240s a few times in the past 30 years, and that is usually where I feel happy and satisfied with my looks and health, before I begin a reversal.  For example, this picture is from April 2010, when Lori and I were on the costly - but effective - Metabolic Research program.  I weighed 243 that day after starting at 276 five months prior.  My lowest was 241 a month later, then I reversed and have never gotten that low again - until now.  People are noticing my success and the feedback feels good, as it did in the past.  It will be new territory for me as I continue to drop pounds below where I am now.  

One thing I'm noticing now that I've never experienced before is loose skin.  I'm seeing it in my neck and belly.  This is common with bariatric patients once they lose a lot of weight.  The most I've lost on any diet was 44 pounds.  So I'm more than 20 beyond that now.   I hope it will tighten up over time, especially as I get back into the gym.  Someday. 

It's worth noting that yesterday was Thanksgiving.  The occasion gave everyone a good laugh as I loaded up my "sampler platter" with a little bit of everything.  One of the things I wondered about getting this surgery done was whether I would miss the occasions of overfilling my belly with delicious food, be it 2 plates of Thanksgiving food, a double cheeseburger, or $12 worth of food at Taco Bell.  Well, I can't say I don't miss it a little tiny bit, but it definitely is not something I would trade for the results I'm seeing so far.  I definitely didn't shed a tear when I couldn't eat more than this.  I was satisfied, and it was all delicious.  I also grazed the leftovers in the subsequent few hours as we cleaned up.  And I still lost 0.4 pound yesterday, bringing my total for the week to 2.8 pounds.  

Today marks 12 weeks since surgery.  I've updated my cool progress graphic.  Onward to week 13!

8 Weeks Post-Op: Seeking My Blue Jeans from 1998

I know I'm not back to 1998 weight yet, but I'm definitely about to dust off some old jeans in the top of my closet.  This bariatric weight loss has been unlike any other diet or exercise regimen in the past.  Obviously, the rate and pace is unmatched.  But it really seems like I am losing weight in my stomach more so than usual - and that is just great.  I expect it's due to eating much less bread than ever in my life. 

I'm a numbers guy, so I weigh every day, and my Internet enabled scale drops the number right into MyFitnessPal.  I also have been snapping a selfie every day for the purpose of creating a chart like this at some point.  So here it is: 

I'm really pleased with the photos, and how my face has been thinning.  Man, I looked and felt so bloated before this.  I'm about halfway to my goal.  Clearly my rate of loss has slowed, as expected, but I think/hope I will continue to lose into the new year.

As for issues, problems, etc.  I still maintain that I have been a best-case scenario patient.  I've not had any complications, knock on wood.  As noted in my post 2 weeks ago, I stopped my morning coffee as it seemed to be upsetting my stomach.  I've had probably 2 coffees since, during the day, without issue.  I don't miss the morning coffee a lot, so I will probably avoid it for a while.  I have avoided soft drinks, but I wasn't a big soft drinker even before this - maybe 4 cans a week.  Now: none.  As for beer, I've probably had 3 in the last 9 weeks, and those were ingested so slowly, they were warm before I could finish them.  Main issue is the carbonation, which tingles my stomach in not a good way.  If I eat too fast it will feel like I swallowed a rock.  That will usually pass within 1 minute - 15 minutes.  If I eat too much or if I eat something really sugary (like a few bites of cake) I will feel a little nauseous.   

One thing I heard others say about bariatric is that you will be a gas factory, and that is becoming more and more true!  Fortunately, my farts don't stink (usually :-)), but the sheer volume of gaseous material coming from me is spectacular.  It's pretty funny, and usually happens when I'm walking.  Or sitting.  Or standing.  Or laying in bed.  Pretty much anytime.  :-).  It's all good, and feels better after it happens.  Never any pain associated with it.  I'm wondering - Where is it all coming from?  Speaking of TMI, I have had some diarrhea over the past week or so.  Usually mid-morning or mid-day.  Morning poop, when I have one, is usually normal.  I am drinking water throughout the day and keep my water bottle by my side all the time.  That, in and of itself, is a better habit than before.

I can pretty much eat what I want, but I do try to follow the guidance of filling up on protein more so than veggies or starches.  I am still drinking a little water or tea or milk when I eat, though they advise not to drink liquids when eating (+/- 30 minutes of meal time).  I am eating a small bowl of cereal for breakfast 1-2 days a week.  Sometimes 2/3 of a high protein bagel.  I know both are unadvised, but I am doing it in moderation.  I have a 1 egg omelette quite often.  Still eating yoghurt and cottage cheese for snacks.  I will order off the kids' menu sometimes at restaurants.  For lunch and dinner, I eat regular stuff as before, just MUCH LESS of it, and again, focused on protein more than other meal components.

As news of my surgery has been coming more to light with friends and distant friends, I'm learning about more and more people who've had a bariatric procedure.  I hope that my experience will help others decide whether it's right for them.  There's a stigma about it, and I really do believe it is a last resort.  But many people need to consider it, rather than continue to break chairs and fail at dieting over and over, en route to a slow fat death, like I did for many years.

Day 42: No Longer Qualified (in a good way)

Day 42 post-op.  

Max (12/17/19) weight: 305.1
Pre-pre-op (8/28/20) weight: 293.5 
Surgery (9/4/20) weight: 284.3 (-9.2 since pre-op)
Current (10/16/20) weight: 256.9 (-27.4 since surgery, -36.6 since pre-op, -48.2 since max)

I reached a milestone yesterday.  My BMI finally dipped under 35.  This means I no longer would qualify for bariatric surgery under most insurance plans, including my own.

Everything is still going pretty well.  Eating has become more normal, though I am still eating smaller portions and avoiding bread for the most part.  I can really tell the difference in my waist and butt as compared to prior diets when I've reached this level.  I really think the huge reduction in bread has been the cause of this.

One main difference since my last post is that I was noticing some upset stomach pain each morning.  I sensed that it might be related to my coffee, so I skipped a day, and noticed an improvement.  So I've skipped a few days since, as well.  It seems to have helped.  I think the caffeine irritates the stomach according to what I've heard.  I don't know that I miss it but I may try again to confirm the experiment.

Last night I had Taco Bell for the first time in months.  Had 2/3 of a taco and 2/3 of a meximelt (which is a cheesy roll-up, add beef, add pico) and prayed I wouldn't have any issues.  I didn't.  It sounds like a lot, but I took my time, and also had a smoothie for lunch, so I was due for some real food. The smoothie really grossed me out.  It was similar to the type drinks I had during the liquid phase.  Some banana, peanut butter, and vanilla protein powder.  I just didn't enjoy it.  Maybe it brought back memories of the many days when I had something like that for every meal.  Ugh.  I was so over that.

I need to work on eating 5 small meals a day.  I know that I'm still mainly eating at the 3 main meal times, and nothing in between.  I can do this, because I'm just not hungry.  It's really fascinating that I can have a 1-egg omelette for breakfast (with a little cheese and bacon mixed in), and then not really think about lunch until 1pm or later. 

Day 34 Post-op – Hitting My Stride

Day 34 post-op.  

Max (12/17/19) weight: 305.1
Pre-pre-op (8/28/20) weight: 293.5 
Surgery (9/4/20) weight: 284.3 (-9.2 since pre-op)
Current (10/8/20) weight: 261.6 (-22.7 since surgery, -31.9 since pre-op, -43.5 since max)

I have to say, this picture of me from surgery day is a bit overinflated.  I guess I really was pumped full of fluids at that moment.

My progress continues to go well. I feel like I have cleared most of the hurdles on the post-op diet. I instinctively can tell what I can and cannot eat, and what I will feel like as a result.  I'm sure I'm still breaking some rules, but in very small moderation.

After my prior meeting with the dietitian a few weeks ago, as noted in my previous blog post, I did dial back my food quantities, and I believe that has helped. I still do not experience hunger pangs, and I occasionally will enjoy some flavors that I crave.  For example yesterday, Seth and I went to PDQ restaurant, and I ordered one of their chicken sandwiches and added pimento cheese to it. In the past I would have devoured that entire sandwich along with an order of fries. Yesterday I cut the sandwich, and gave myself 1/3, and was completely satisfied with that.  A few nights ago we went to MOD Pizza, and I ordered a barbecue chicken pizza with cauliflower crust. I ate two pieces of that, and felt overfull and a little queasy in the following hour. So the next day I only had one piece as a leftover for lunch. Live and learn. On a positive note, I have to think a cauliflower crust has got to be a major improvement over a flour crust.

One of the bitter sweet benefits of losing weight is the challenge in finding clothes that fit. I have a vast collection of T-shirts which will serve me well for another 50 or 60 pounds of weight loss, I’m sure. However, pants are another challenge. It took me a while, but I did locate some shorts and jeans in the attic that now fit me and should fit me over the next 10 to 20 pounds of loss.  After that, I guess I’ll go shopping.

I have switched to a capsule for my daily vitamin, instead of the nasty chewable vitamin that I started with. Hopefully that will absorb properly and not be an issue. But that chewable vitamin was disgusting. I’m still walking 4 to 5 days a week, and Lori goes with me sometimes.  Speaking of exercise, I really need to get to the gym and start working on some strength training. It’s on my list.

I finished the real estate class a few weeks ago, and I passed the NC licensing exam on Tuesday of this week. So that is a huge relief off of my shoulders. I will somewhat miss having to study and practice all the exam questions I worked on the last few months. But my break will be short-lived, because I will be taking two of the post licensing classes beginning in November.  I love learning new things.

I need to do some catch-up time with Old Play, as I have neglected that for several months. We have a gig this Saturday night, and then another one on October 24 in our neighborhood (outside).  The last gig we had was during my pre-op liquid diet, on the day that I was going into ketosis! That was a memorable evening, that I hope to never relive!

Day 21: Settling in to My New Current Normal

Day 21 post-op.  

Pre-pre-op (8/28/20) weight: 293.5 
Surgery (9/4/20) weight: 284.3 (-9.2)
Current (9/25/20) weight: 268.5 (-15.8, -25 total)

It’s pouring down rain this morning, but I am sitting on the front porch because the temperature feels great, and I feel great too.  Today is the three week mark since my surgery. I still am very pleased with the results and my progress. Since my last post 10 days ago (day 11), when I was initially advanced to the puréed foods phase, I have become more adjusted to my new (current) normal.

After I was allowed to advance to puréed foods, I did push the envelope probably more than I should have. I figured that anything that I could chew in my mouth to the point of puréeing it, would be fair game. Over the course of days 11-18, I did try one piece of margherita pizza, mashed potatoes, a bowl of cereal, coffee, half a bagel, a piece of toast, half of a peanut butter sandwich, a beer, and even a McDonald’s cheeseburger!  And in all of those cases, I can say that I did feel a little bit uncomfortable in my stomach, but I did not throw up and did not have any issues beyond the 30 to 90 minutes following my meal.

On Wednesday this week, I met with the dietitian as a regularly scheduled follow up. As a preparation for that meeting I completed a two page questionnaire about my experience so far after the surgery. I typed all my answers and color-coded them and attached screenshots of my food diary extracted from the MyFitnessPal app, which I use to track my weight and food diary.

I told the dietitian right up front that I was pushing the envelope, and probably was eating things that I should not eat.  She agreed!  She was quite perplexed at the paradox that I seemed to be to her. She said, "You are extremely organized and detailed, yet in some ways, you are not following the diet. At all!" 

She seemed very surprised that I did not have problems with some of the foods that I was eating in this phase.  I told her that I was not intentionally trying to derail my progress, but I figured that as long as I could purée a few foods in my mouth, that it would qualify for the puréed phase, provided that it did not cause me any physical issues such as stomach ache or nausea.  While she admitted there was some validity to that logic, she advised me to avoid those foods until I advanced a little further in my healing.  Of course, there were some things that I was doing right, including getting in all my protein and drinking enough water and avoiding soda. 

She also did observe that in addition to some of the foods I was eating prematurely, I was also eating portions that were too large. For example, I was eating two eggs, when I should have had just one. Or I was eating 4-7 ounces of meat/food when I really should only be having about 2-4, along with snacks of yoghurt or protein drinks in between meals. I had been getting 700-1000 calories per day, and she said it would be more expected to be getting 400-600.  Wow.  I do believe that everyone is different and that maybe my tolerance and healing are perhaps better than average. But I definitely don't want to stretch out my "pouch," which is bariatric lingo for "new smaller stomach."  She referred to this part of my journey as the “honeymoon phase,” because it is now when I will be losing the most weight. She said I need to capitalize on that. I promised that I would make some adjustments, and thanked her for the advice.

In a few days since that meeting, I have reduced my portions even further, and have avoided most if not all of the foods that she warned me about. It’s really hard to imagine that 2-4 ounces of meat/food would actually satisfy me right now, but it really does. For example, yesterday I scrambled one egg and crumbled some very thin crispy bacon on it along with some cheese, and made the world’s smallest omelette. It was delicious and it filled me up, and I had no stomach discomfort at all.  And it was mostly "in policy." :-)

So, speaking of the numbers, I have lost 25 pounds since I began the pre-op liquid diet four weeks ago. I think that’s excellent progress. I can definitely see it in the way I look, as can my family and friends.  I have already removed numerous pairs of size 48 jeans from my armoire, and am wearing some size 44s instead. Additionally I have begun wearing some of my treasured T-shirts that were much too tight for me over the last two years. I still have not made it to a size that will fit the unworn Rush concert T-shirt from 2015, but I expect to be there soon.

I feel great. And I feel satisfied throughout the day regarding my food intake. It really is quite amazing that I am not hungry very much at all, I do have cravings for certain flavors that I love so much. But I hope and believe that in the long run I will be able to enjoy those again, though in much smaller portions than before. 

I’ve been walking about 2.3 miles about five days a week. Lori has been joining me on some of those walks. When I walk alone, I’ve been listening to Travis Everette videos from his real estate class. He is an excellent real estate pre-licensing instructor, and has been instrumental in helping thousands of students pass the licensing exam, I’m sure. As for me, I just completed my course exam on Wednesday night and made a 90.8 on that test. I am glad to be done with that class. That lasted for 10 weeks and was four hours every Tuesday and Thursday night.

So I have submitted my application to take the official real estate licensing exam.  Once that is approved, I will schedule a date and take the exam, after which I will be a licensed real estate broker (if I pass both the national and NC portions).  There are still some other steps before I can legally do anything related to real estate, but those are formalities.  

It’s about time to start my regular day job for today, so I must wrap it up now. Lori and I are going to the beach this weekend to celebrate our anniversary and I suppose my birthday, which is next week. Also we really have both needed some time to get away alone, given all the above-mentioned activities that have been consuming me for most of the last several months. I’m looking forward to visiting one of my favorite restaurants at Wrightsville Beach, The Dockside Restaurant.  I might push the envelope again, but I’ll try not to.

Day 11: Graduated to Phase 2!

Day 11 post-op.  

Pre-pre-op weight: 293.5 
Surgery weight: 284.3 (-9.2)
Current weight: 276.2 (-8.1, -17.3 total)

Had my first post-op appointment today.  Everything is going great so far.  As noted in the prior post, I've been sampling a few things in the phase after the post-op full liquid phase, with no issues.  But now I have permission to move forward to the next phase.

That means I can now consume scrambled eggs, mashed banana, small amounts of mashed up baked potato, pureed (or extremely well chewed) fruits & veggies, cottage cheese, tilapia or other flakey fish, and 93% lean ground chicken/turkey (yech).   All of the above is subject to how well I can tolerate it.   

I can't tell you how happy that makes me.  I was soooo tired of all the liquid / yoghurt / soup / pudding meals for the last 18 days.  Wow.  That was the hardest part of this whole experience.  Anyway, I promptly made myself two scrambled eggs and a cup of milk.  I was only able to hold about half the eggs (aka 1 egg) but boy was it delicious.  Tonight, I'm already eyeing some tilapia that I'm hoping Lori will prepare while I am in real estate class (only 3 more classes to go!).

One of the outcomes of the meeting with the PA today was the discussion of a goal weight.  180 would be under 25 BMI, which is considered "normal" weight.  But I think that would be too much for me.  We settled on 200 as my goal which would be a BMI of 27.1 - "overweight."  LOL.  Oh well.  I'll take it.

She encouraged me to keep exercising, including strength training, in order to maintain muscle mass.  I'm walking about 2 miles a day on most days, so that is good.  Seth and I played pickleball last week and that seemed like a great exercise.  Not very good yet.  I'm starting to do some planks which helps with abs.  Guess I'll work on upper body strength at some point.  So far so good.

Day 7: One Week Post-Op

Today marks day 14 since I started the pre-op liquid diet and day 7 since my surgery.  I keep seeking wood on which to knock, but I cannot imagine this going any better than it has.  I was definitely prepared for issues like pain and nausea, but neither have been worthy of mention, though I will mention them later in this blog.

As for the numbers, from my heaviest weight, 305.1 on December 17, 2019, I lost and gained and lost and gained and lost and gained and lost 11.6 pounds down to 293.5 on the day the pre-op liquid diet started on August 28, 2020.  In that pre-op week, I lost 9.2 pounds down to 284.3 on surgery date September 4, 2020.  I've since lost another 4.9 pounds post-op until today's weight of 279.4.  So, total lost from max is 25.7 and total lost since starting pre-op is 14.1.  

The picture shown is a few days ago.  I'm not always showered and combed when I write these blogs, so...  Anyway, I can definitely tell a difference in the way I look and feel, and my friends and family might say "You look fine," but under that 3XL T-shirt is quite a bit of unwanted fat that will be history, eventually.

I'm a patient patient, and it is rewarding to see the 0.2 - 0.7 pound loss happening every day.  I know at some point the rate of loss will slow, but that's OK.  This is a long game.  Check out this graph.  It looks like a stock market crash!

Numbers aside, here's my assessment of how this has gone for me:  I am convinced I have, so far, experienced the best case scenario for weight loss surgery.  For this I am very thankful.  My pain has been minimal and has declined since surgery day.  My only pain now is if I stretch too far a certain way, I may feel some incision pain. The steri-strips are still hanging on while my incisions heal, but they're starting to wear away. 

As for nausea and related issues, that was my main concern going into this.  Many people talked about their issues with nausea and vomiting.  As for me, one of my meds is for nausea, so I have not had those issues.  The exception has been the last few nights I've woken around 3am to pee.  Then when back in bed, I've felt a little nauseous.  The night before, I soon went back to sleep, and last night I took the med I'd forgotten to take at bedtime, and then went back to sleep.  No throwing up.

My one mistake so far was yesterday at lunch.  I prepared a bowl of tomato bisque soup.  This was the entire can of concentrate plus a can of milk to mix with it.  It was delicious and I devoured the whole bowl quickly - out of habit - which was about 2 cups of volume.  Well, I guess I did that too fast, because I felt pretty crappy the next few hours while that digested through my banana-sized stomach pouch.  In case you're wondering, the volume of a banana is about a cup at most.  So I overfilled myself by 2x.  As I write this, I just completed a 24 oz (3 cup) combination of coffee and caramel Premier Protein drink.  I think the difference is that I consumed the 3 cups over a period of an hour, whereas the soup was devoured in about 5 minutes.  Lesson learned.  I used to eat that large bowl of soup with crackers, 1 - 1.5 grilled cheese sandwiches, AND sometimes chips!  So I've come a long ways, baby!

People keep asking me what can I eat.  The first two weeks of the post-op diet is considered "full liquids."  It's getting a little boring but is considerably better than the 1 week pre-op diet.  Here's what I'm having throughout a typical day: 

• Breakfast:
• Option 1: 12 oz regular coffee w 2 tbs half & half; Premier protein drink (30g protein)
• Option 2: 12 oz regular coffee w 2 tbs half & half; Oikos yoghurt with no fruit chunks - just creamy yoghurt (15g protien)
• Morning Snack: 
• Small container of sugar free applesauce or sugar free jello pudding or (if I'm feeling naughty) regular Jello pudding, or sugar free Jello (the jiggly stuff)
• Lunch:
• Option 1: Bowl of some liquid soup, strained of vegetables & meat (5g protein)
• Option 2: Smoothie with 1 cup of fruit and either a protein drink or protein powder (30g protein)
• Afternoon Snack:
• Same as prior snack, but probably a different choice.
• Dinner:
• Same as lunch, but probably a different choice.
• I'll have a glass (2 cups) of Stevia-sweetened iced tea during the day, and water throughout the day otherwise
• No sodas and no beer yet.
• Total calories per day is around 850-975.
• Plus I'm walking over 2 miles on most days.
• I'm not particularly hungry though I do crave new flavors.
• I have sneaked in the following foods that are not on this liquid diet: One Oreo cookie, 1/2 cup of pureed vegetables from a can of Campbell's vegetable soup, 2 club crackers, one water chestnut from Luke's PF Chang's Orange Chicken entree I helped him cook.  No issues with any of the above, though I do think I heard my stomach say, ever so softly, "What. The. F. Is. This...?" on each occasion.

I'm hoping that when I have my follow-up appointment on Tuesday, they will advance me to phase 2 of the post-op diet a few days early.  

Since I have all my photos and weights digitized and saved, I can go back in time and see the last time I was this weight ~279 lbs.  And the answer is January 2018.  Here's my girl Roxie, who just passed away last month.  Wish she were still here.  

I've spent way too much time editing this blog post, so I guess I should get back to doing something productive with my last day off from work.  Until next time...

A Beautiful Day

It’s truly a beautiful day to be sitting on the front porch, a pleasant 72 degrees and the sounds of birds, an occasional drip from some gutter repair needed, and the SUDDEN DRUM PLAYING COMING FROM MY NEIGHBOR’S GARAGE!  Well I guess you can’t have it all.  

I returned home from the hospital yesterday late afternoon. I had a great night’s sleep last night. My main symptoms right now are some occasional stomach cramps similar to having indigestion or gas, or perhaps a little muscle strain similar to doing a sit-up.  Last night I had a container of yogurt, which was good and without issue. This morning I woke up craving ice tea, so I had some of that, along with one of the Premier protein drinks, which gets me 30 of the 60 grams of protein per day I’m supposed to have.  So far I think my recovery is going great.  I am rarely experiencing any level of nausea, and I can sense the pacing in which I need to consume liquids in order to not get too full or sick.  Net: So far so good.

I weighed this morning and had lost a whopping 2 pounds since the day I went in for surgery. It seems like a small amount given what little I’ve consumed since Friday morning.  But I have heard that is not unusual because while you’re in the hospital they are pumping you with liquids the entire time. Lori and I did go for a walk last night for about 1 mile, which felt great - especially with my new Brooks running shoes!

For the next week or so I will be taking various types of medicine for pain, nausea, acid reflux, and blood clot prevention. I look forward to getting off of all of those meds soon, and feeling completely back to normal.

A New Beginning

This is what 1 ounce of water looks like. This has been my diet for the last three hours. 1 ounce every 15 minutes. So far I am handling it well. Actually the first goal was to do 1 ounce in one hour. But I misunderstood and did the entire ounce every 15 minutes.  I keep asking for a slice of pizza but no one is bringing that to me yet. I think after the 4 ounces of water per hour, I will be given some clear soup broth. All of this is to ease me into the transition diet that will be going on for the next six weeks. The goal and hope is to not throw up at any point along the way.  So far so good.

Surgery went well and I believe actually started and finished ahead of schedule. When I was awake and in the recovery room, I felt extremely groggy, due to the anesthesia. The guy in the bed in the next station was complaining that he needed to go to the bathroom, i.e. do number two. I just got out of surgery, and I’m not sure what type of surgery he had, but I can’t imagine awakening in the recovery room and having to immediately poop! That would be terrible, as I could barely raise my hand to scratch my ear!  Anyway, I think they tried to help him get to the bathroom, or use a bedpan, but I don’t think he ever pooped. I was in and out of sleep so it didn’t really matter to me.  But then again, I think I did smell something. 💩

My main issue at that time was stomach pains which felt like somebody kicked me in the stomach.  They gave me some good pain meds in my IV, and by the time I got to the room several hours later at 5pm, the pain was moderate and I rated it 3 out of 10.

They wanted me to pee in the urinal container by 6:23 PM. I don’t know what the point of the exact deadline was for that, but the threat was that they would install the catheter if I didn’t!  I was stressing a bit because I was not able to immediately do it at 5:30 when first asked.   So after slowly gulping down a whopping 5 ounces of water over a period of an hour and 15 minutes, I finally went potty and avoided the consequences.

The nurses here are very nice.  I can’t help but think of my dad when I am talking to nurses in the hospital! He always made so many hospital friends in his final years. I really appreciate all that nurses do around the world.  I’m sure they have bad patients. I try to be a good one like Dad was.

A few hours ago after I successfully peed, I decided to just go and put my regular clothes back on, which made laying in the bed much more comfortable.  Already breaking the dress code here.

They just took my vitals at 8 PM and promise to be back every four hours to do that again. I am still quite tired, as well as thirsty. I’m not particularly hungry but I do look forward to beginning to eat some real food some point.  

I’m looking forward to getting home tomorrow. Lori has been such a great supporter of me in this process. I really love her and appreciate all she does for me.  Thanks also to all my friends and family who have supported and prayed for me during this time. This is a new beginning for me and I’m looking forward to wearing some of my old (smaller) T shirts that have been packed away for many years.  I have many.

Ok blog writing done.  Nurse is bringing me a popsicle!!  Goodnight!

Hell Week is Almost Over

It's hard to believe I'm in day seven of this seven day liquid diet. It actually went by pretty fast and was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  What's also memorable is that I've gone seven days without eating out, which may save some $, though the bariatric foods can be more expensive than normal groceries or eating out.  As previously written, the first two days were the worst.  However, it is getting very boring, and I am definitely looking for a change beginning tomorrow, even though I know that will be a difficult one.  The good thing about the next two weeks will be that the progress will be in the positive direction, meaning that I will be adding more foods to my options over time.  I have stocked up on various Premier protein shakes, bariatric soups, and other protein powder mixes.  

The challenge over the next two weeks will be to get in the requisite 60g of protein per day.  With what I have been eating (drinking) the last week I have been easily getting 100g to 115g per day, so the thought of having a difficult time of getting in half that amount is hard to imagine!  I've lost about 8.1 pounds since I started the liquid diet, though I actually gained back 0.7 pounds yesterday.  I expect that is water weight or some other normal daily variance.  

I meet with my doctor later today for final instructions and Q&A. Then tonight I will drink some special liquid and take some special shower using some special soap.  And will then be sleeping on clean sheets, as recommended in the pre-op preparation.  :-)  Then tomorrow I will do the same thing again, and then head in to the hospital around 9:30.  I think the procedure is around 12:45pm.  

Turned the Corner

 I am now seven weeks into the ten week night real estate class that I am taking.  The first part was kind of rough and took some getting used to. Likewise, I am three days into the seven day liquid diet leading up to my surgery this Friday.  And likewise, the first part was kind of rough and took some getting used to.

The liquid diet is just as bad as it sounds. It’s like the day before a colonoscopy, except there is no clean out required. So I guess that is a positive. The objective is to shrink the fatty tissue around the liver which makes the surgery more easy, or less complicated.  So far, I’ve lost 6.1 pounds in these past three days.

The liquid diet allows about five protein shakes per day, which includes these Premier protein drinks, or smoothies made with protein powder and either a half cup of fruit or milk.  I can also have soup broth, one protein bar which is the size of your thumb, and sugar-free Jell-O. So far, other than one beer Saturday night after my band’s gig, I have followed the liquid diet to a tee. I guess you could argue one beer should be an allowable exception on a liquid diet weekend.  I’ve tracked all my food intake in MyFitnessPal, and my calories have ranged from 575 to 996 over the three days. Carbs have been 54, 54 and 28, which is incredibly low compared to the usual reasonable goal of over 200.

Recently, my band Old Play got asked to play again at the local restaurant Sophie’s.  I was reluctant to do this because the gig was going to fall on Saturday night, which was day two of my liquid diet.  But we have been without gigs all year long due to Covid, and we played there three weeks ago and they liked us, and invited us back. So I wanted to support that if it all possible.  After all, I have played gigs while sick many times!

When I talked to my dietitian on Thursday, she warned me that the next two days would be very rough, with flulike symptoms.  And she said that she felt I would probably have a rough time doing the gig on the night of day two. She said it takes about that long to get to ketosis. But she said that I would likely wake up Sunday morning with a new feeling of euphoria.  Indeed, the first two days of the new routine were the worst. Actually the first 36 hours.

I started the liquid diet on Friday.  And by the afternoon I was starting to feel bad. Adding to this, on Thursday night I started to have allergy symptoms, with a bit of a stuffy head and feeling sort of blah. Apparently, the pollen count was quite high during this time. By Friday afternoon I felt awful and lethargic, and had to take a nap during the latter part of the day.  

I didn’t sleep particularly well Friday night, suffering through some restlessness as well as some headaches. I got up Saturday morning around 9 o’clock and practiced through the setlist.  I was thankful that we were only doing about 28 songs, compared to the 37 we did three weeks ago. Then I went back to bed for a few more hours, which was very unusual for me. Once I got back up I still felt a little tired, and decided to have a cup of coffee. I usually only have one cup of coffee a day, and I was trying not to drink caffeine that during this time, because that was advised. Anyway, the cup of coffee helped. That seem to invigorate me, my headache subsided, and I continued to feel a little bit better throughout the day.  

The closer we got to the gig, the better I felt. It was sort of a bummer to have to carry to the gig my cooler loaded with a Premier protein shake, Gatorade Zero, water, and a mug of warm beef broth soup.  All the wings everyone was ordering in the restaurant certainly tempted me, but I stuck to my regimen.  The gig went pretty well, and I felt pretty good throughout the evening. The allergy symptoms subsided, and though I did feel a little weak due to the lack of usual nourishment, I survived.  I was glad to be home, and get to bed, while my painful hip arthritis kept me tossing and turning that night.

Yesterday - Sunday - was a day of recovery. I stayed in and studied my real estate textbook and took some practice tests.  Of the three days, I actually ate less on Sunday than I did on Friday and Saturday. At the end of the day I realized I only had four of the five protein meals that I am allowed.  I guess because I’ve gotten used to eating less.  I did go to the pool and hang out with some friends, and even did a little real estate studying while at the pool. I even read a bit of Camino Island by John Grisham.  Lately, reading for pleasure during the day has been a rarity. I guess I took on a lot with the real estate class, while having a full time job and learning new songs with the band.  

The worst part about this phase is the boredom of the selection of liquid foods. Nothing is particularly satisfying taste-wise. But I know this is temporary and the reward will come later.

This Wednesday, I have my Covid test, which is required pre-surgery. Then I also have a dentist appointment. Then Thursday I meet with the doctor in a video call. And then Friday is the surgery. I’m hoping the week passes quickly and I’m glad I’ve turned the corner on the ketosis (and the real estate class).  I’m not sure I would call my current state euphoria, but it’s better than the way I felt Friday and Saturday!

It's About to Get Real

Well.  Here I am.  Age 55 11/12.  Cholesterol under control for many years due to taking a pill.  Moderate sleep apnea under control of an annoying CPAP machine and mask I wear nightly.  Both knees not too bad after laparoscopic meniscus surgeries a few years ago - but certainly not suitable for running.  And my right hip in pain if I use it for anything crazy like putting on my right shoe.  Otherwise, my health is not too bad.  Heart still working OK, and blood pressure still remaining under the acceptable limits, barely.  My weight has fluctuated from 300 to 280 over the past 3 years.  Up and down and up and down.  Just in the last 3 months, I've been up and down between 290 and 300 like 4 times.  As I review this blog I've written the last 13 years, I see 18 posts tagged as having mention of dieting in them, counting this one.  I even came across this memorable graph I made in 2008, showing my progress on one of the most successful of the many diets I've been on.  Look at that cyan line, how it dives down beyond the yellow and magenta lines! 

That year I went from about 280 to about 235.  I was preparing to apply to MBA school at Duke and was really motivated.  Side note: I did get accepted, but couldn't get funding from my company to pay for it.  But that's another story.

Then there was the Diet of 2010.  Lori and I both were using Metabolic Research, which was a costly program requiring all sorts of vitamins before each meal, as well as better eating.  Here's a photo of us during that time.   I think that diet costed about $4000-$5000.  I don't have my weight during that era graphed.  But even then, my BMI was higher than it should be.  In every picture of me, I am subconsciously holding in my gut.  :-)

Back then, I tracked my weight on index cards, and in Excel.  I even made this diet summary table once.  I should update this someday!

Soon after that I guess I started using MyFitnessPal to track my data.  It collects my weight every day that I enter it in, which was manual up until I bought a scale which updates it automatically.  Check it out.  In 2012, 260.  Up to over 270 in 2013.  Down to 255 in mid 2013.  Up to 290 in 2015.  Down to 260-something in 2015.  Up to 300 at the beginning of 2017.  

Most recently, in January 2017, I joined the UNC Wellness Center and became a swimmer.   I worked out or swam about 5-6 days a week for months and really improved my muscle tone.  This picture is actually from the YMCA in August 2017, but I really was getting some shoulder muscles then.  I felt great, even though the weight loss was only down to the 260s.  I really thought at that time, that I would be able to maintain.  But eventually, the workouts became 4 days a week.  Then 3.  Then 1.  Then barely none.  Life happens.  Taco Bell beckons.  Since then, I did a beeline up to over 300 regularly in 2019.  

What a difference 3 years makes.  Here I am 2 weeks ago with Lori, visiting my mom.  

I've never had much problem losing weight, though it has become more challenging as I've gotten older.  It's keeping it off that is the challenge, as I believe it is for most people who struggle with being overweight.  In addition to the aforementioned methods involving vitamins and exercise, which I've done over the years, I've also consulted with dieticians, weight trainers, psychiatrists and even a hypnotist to help me lose weight!  They all helped - for a period.

As I wrote in a 2008 blog post The Diet of 2008, 

To me, diets are like relationships. That's why I'm so reluctant to start each diet. Why start this new diet, when the last one just didn't work out? I really thought the previous diet would be my last. I invested time into it. I loved and cared for it. I had the right intentions. But then, I fell out of diet-love. Me and the diet went our separate ways. Perhaps I made some mistakes, but the diet did too. Will this new diet be "true diet", or just a "rebound diet" started too soon after the last diet ended, and after one feel-good night of better eating and a little casual exercise? Indeed, diets are like relationships.

People say I don't look that bad.  I look OK in some pictures.  I'm not "that" much overweight.  I'm one good diet away from looking like I did in 2008 or 2012 or 2017 all over again!  I am fortunate that I carry my weight pretty well.  Not that this is about looks.  But when the photo is straight on and someone is in front of me, I can say a picture of me is not too bad, like the one with Mom up above.

But then, there's the side view and it's not flattering at all.  Here I am a few weeks ago about to attempt a solo with my band.  I don't particularly like this angle of me.  

Anyway, it's not so much about how I look, though, that is important.  It's about other "cosmetic" things, like choice of clothes.  Most shirts come in a 2XL.  But not many come in 3XL.  And even those sizes can vary in fit.  Nothing more disappointing than finding that the new 3XL shirt I like has somehow gotten too tight to wear.  

But I digress.  This is not about my vanity, but about my health.  And while my health is not too bad (yet), I don't want to cross a line and end up with heart issues or diabetes or cancer, or whatever else it is that we fat people get that leads to an early death.  I don't want to live forever, but I would like to live long enough to retire and maybe have a grandchild or three.  Plus, I want to be able to do stuff without always feeling like I am fatigued or in pain.  Ever notice that the word fatigue starts with FAT?  This stops now.

So here I am, two days away from starting the pre-op process for the vertical sleeve gastrectomy (VSG) I am having on September 4.  According to Current State of Bariatric Surgery: Procedures, Data, and Patient Management, 

Bariatric surgery comprises a group of operative procedures designed to improve weight-related medical conditions.  Bariatric surgery is the only durable and effective way for most humans to lose a significant amount of weight, and see improvement in obesity-related comorbidities. It can improve quality of life, prevent a number of cancers, and decrease overall mortality. Bariatric procedures work through several avenues, including restriction of food intake, malabsorption of food calories, an increase in metabolic rate, decreased hunger, increased satiety, and a variety of other hormonal mechanisms. 

VSG is basically where part of the stomach is removed, leaving a banana sized pouch remaining.  Other procedures involve rerouting the digestive plumbing to bypass parts of the system in order to reduce fat absorption (ie. gastric bypass).  I'm going with the more basic and less risky VSG procedure, which comprises about 59% of all bariatric surgeries.  With any surgery, there is a chance of death and complications.  But I figure there is a pretty good chance of death sooner than later if I stay on the current yo-yo dieting path I've been on for the last 30 years... which always trends UP over the long run.  Lose 20, gain 30.  Lose 15, gain 25.  Lose 40, gain 60.  And so on.  And regarding complications, I believe a lot of those are due to patients not following directions, rather than doctors screwing up.  I can follow directions when I have to.

Because my BMI was 40, I was able to qualify for this procedure with my insurance.  I have spent the most part of this year working through the various hoops Aetna requires to be approved: gallbladder ultrasound, dieticians, more psychology, lab work, upper-GI, sleep study, and then a 12 session weight-loss program.  

Holy smokes.  Look at this beached mammal observed on the coast of NC earlier this summer!  Talk about stylish!  That poor chair.

I've always thought weight loss surgery was for really huge people who just didn't have the discipline to stop eating once they passed 300, 400, 500, etc., pounds.  I choose not to let it go further than it has.  But I know the struggle is real.  I love food.  A lot of it.  And it's not all good for me.  And it's not all bad.  But I need this tool because I've tried every other avenue with success, followed by failure, time and time again.  

It's easy to think of weight loss surgery as an easy shortcut.  People get fat and don't want to do the tough work of losing weight and maintaining it.  Just go to the doctor and have a procedure and voila!  Now you look great!  Well, I am afraid it won't be that simple.  For me, I have to be on an all liquid diet the week prior.  Some larger people require 2 weeks so I'm glad I'm a 1-weeker.  I'm thinking this will be like colonoscopy prep 7 days in a row - without the cleanout!  Yikes.  This starts in 2 days for me.  The goal is to get to ketosis so that the liver will get smaller which makes the surgery go better.  

Surgery takes about 2 hours and there will be one night of recovery in the hospital.  Then, 2 more weeks of all liquid... but this time they say that I will not be hungry so hunger will be the least of my worries.  The challenge will be getting enough protein in me.  I will be on vitamins the rest of my life after this surgery, but that's better than being on cholesterol pills, heart pills, etc.  During that 2-week post-op period, I can have yogurt, vegetable juice, sugar free puddings, milk, strained soup.  I was told it's like being a baby again and you have to re-acclimate your stomach to eating.  

In weeks 3-4 after surgery, I can have pureed food, scrambled eggs, cottage cheese, pureed fruit & veggies, yogurt, tilapia.  Yummy.  Weeks 5-6 includes chopped food, pot roast, any foods I can cut with a fork, string cheese, etc.  Now we're talkin'!  After week 6, I can eat mostly regular food again, though in much smaller portions because: 1) my stomach is smaller and 2) cravings will be reduced because the lower part of the stomach is removed and is believed to somehow be involved with driving cravings.

Easy as that.  Oh, and there may be some throwing up involved, though I have read about many people who never had such issues.  This will take some getting used to.  But I can do it.

Anyway, I'm doing this.  Because I've tried everything else.  More than once.  Bariatric surgery is not a quick-fix.  It is not a shortcut.  It is a pain-in-the-ass fix that I believe will yield years of positive results.  It is a tool.  An expensive and difficult - but effective - tool.  

I've read posts in bariatric Facebook groups from hundreds of people who have had massive success with bariatric surgery, losing hundreds of pounds.  I've seen before and after pictures.  More times than not, people wish they'd done it sooner in life.  There are some people who've had issues, but those are by far the exceptional cases.  

I had to write this because I wanted to document my thought process, as I've documented many of my other life experiences.  I can't say I'm not nervous about this.  I've spent the last week visiting some of my favorite culinary weaknesses, much like a groom having a bachelor party.  Longhorn Steakhouse.  Five Guys.  Jersey Mike's.  Taco Bell.  JJ China.  Wendy's.  Cereal.  I still need to have Lori's homemade lasagne one more time.  Not forever.  But for a while.  I'm also a bit excited about getting on with this.  I'm dreading the pre-op week probably more than anything.  I expect I will be HANGRY for a few days until I get used to it. 

My procedure will be done at Rex Hospital which is part of UNC Hospital system.  I trust them and I believe I am in good hands.  

Remembering Roxie

It's been about 2 1/2 days since we learned that our furry family member of 10 years had inoperable kidney failure.  We all gathered around while Roxie went "nite nite" one last time on Monday, August 10, 2020, around 6:45pm.

It's hard to believe what a difference losing her has made for us.  I know this grief will pass, but while the memory of her is still fresh, I wanted to make some notes.

Though Roxie was not particularly loud, our house now seems strangely quiet.  She never spoke words, though I always felt like she was on the verge of speaking English.  She rarely barked unless there was someone on "her" field.  We did hear her toenails clicking on our hardwood floors quite often, but in general, she just hung around wherever we were.  She seemed to always be present.  Maybe it was us who made the noise, talking to her like we would talk to one another.

"Hey Roxie, whatchu doin'?"
"Wanna go outside?"
"Make sure you sit in the shade if you go out there."  
"Need some water?"  
"She's a good girl."  
"Treat?"  
"You wanna go ride with Mommy?"  
"All the way out! ALLLLL the way out!" 
"It's steak night!  Roxie's favorite night!" 
"Cheese ball?"  
"Who's at the door?!"  
"I'm going to the grocery store to get some milk, tortillas, and yoghurt.  You need anything?  Be right back." 
"She's a good girl."  
"Oh here you come now that I'm cutting food!"  
"Let's go pee pee."  
"Ready to go nite nite?"  
"Want Daddy to help you up the stairs?"  
"Are you OK?"  
"She's a good girl."  

She never responded in words, though I know she would if she could.  She did respond with her eyes. And smiles.  And actions.  Always laid back, and never too uptight about anything.  Didn't really mind if other dogs came over and borrowed her stuff or food.  At least not once she got older.  Always present.  Loyal.  Always a look of concern when we were packing luggage.  And then disappointment if we left without her.  And much excitement if she got to come along.  She was the dog I always wanted.  One that would do all the things I described, including lay by my side while I read, or watched TV, or did work, or worked on a project.  She was truly a family member and friend.

Our patterns and routines are disrupted now.  Or maybe un-disrupted is the better description.  Other than our boring cat, and 2 sons still at home, there's no one really depending on Lori and me for food, shelter, and companionship.  Even our robovac has little to do now, whereas, before she filled her belly with Roxie-hair on a daily basis.  (Yes, our robovac has a name and personality)

We obviously still have one another, and someday we will get another (smaller) canine.  But for now, there is a void and an emptiness left by Roxie.  As it should be.  She was a good girl.

In a dog's life

A year is really more like seven

And all too soon a canine

Will be chasing cars in doggie heaven 

 

It seems to me

As we make our own few circles 'round the sun

We get it backwards

And our seven years go by like one      

              

        -- Neil Peart, RUSH 

 

Another Dream About Dad - Visit to Rush Limbaugh

Last night, I dreamed about Dad again.  It's the first time in a while that I had a dream about him that I so vividly remember.

In my dream, Dad was going to meet Rush Limbaugh for what seemed to be a recurring meeting.   It had been several months since they had last met.  The meeting location was in a small building at the top of a hill with several plateaus leading to the top.  I walked Dad into the building which was on the top plateau on the right side of the hill.  There were some other people in there, so I just left him there and would come back later, assuming he would meet with Rush.

When I came back, Dad wasn't there.  I was told that Rush wasn't meeting one on one anymore due to his own illness.  I looked for Dad and found him on the left side of the top plateau, further up the hill, standing on the edge of the woods.  He was the younger version of himself.  Tall and lanky.  Much like this picture from his early Navy days.

It occurred to me that I should at least get a picture of Dad and Rush, so we headed down the hill trying to find Rush Limbaugh.  But we were not successful.

At the bottom of the hill, there was a funeral going on.  A young sailor was in the casket in modern Navy attire, but it wasn't Dad.  The sailor was not lying supine, but on his side, like he was sleeping.

My sister Beverly asked me where Dad was and was worried I'd lost him.  I was worried too, as that was the 2nd time I'd lost him during this dream! Fortunately, I quickly found him again.  He was his older & bigger self again and had walked down the hills alone. I wondered how he'd done that safely, as the hills were pretty steep.  I gave him a hug and was steering him back to the funeral ceremony.

The family was walking in, including some I'd not seen since childhood.  I bumped into one who was a former spouse of my cousin Billy Wilkinson.  I believe her name was Kitty, and I think I was in their wedding as a young boy.  She didn't recognize me.  In an effort to introduce "adult me" to someone who knew me as a child, someone told her, "That was Blain."  That was the end of the dream.  Unfortunately, Dad didn't say anything during this whole dream, but it was good to see him.

I always wonder the relevance of random dreams.  Last week, my father-in-law Gerald Dillon passed away.  So maybe that was the tie-in to the funeral.  And the cat the Dillons have is named "Miss Kitty."  And in my dream, Kitty looked exactly like someone I met at Gerald's funeral - Lori's Aunt Kathy from Texas!