Remembering Roxie

It's been about 2 1/2 days since we learned that our furry family member of 10 years had inoperable kidney failure.  We all gathered around while Roxie went "nite nite" one last time on Monday, August 10, 2020, around 6:45pm.

It's hard to believe what a difference losing her has made for us.  I know this grief will pass, but while the memory of her is still fresh, I wanted to make some notes.

Though Roxie was not particularly loud, our house now seems strangely quiet.  She never spoke words, though I always felt like she was on the verge of speaking English.  She rarely barked unless there was someone on "her" field.  We did hear her toenails clicking on our hardwood floors quite often, but in general, she just hung around wherever we were.  She seemed to always be present.  Maybe it was us who made the noise, talking to her like we would talk to one another.

"Hey Roxie, whatchu doin'?"
"Wanna go outside?"
"Make sure you sit in the shade if you go out there."  
"Need some water?"  
"She's a good girl."  
"Treat?"  
"You wanna go ride with Mommy?"  
"All the way out! ALLLLL the way out!" 
"It's steak night!  Roxie's favorite night!" 
"Cheese ball?"  
"Who's at the door?!"  
"I'm going to the grocery store to get some milk, tortillas, and yoghurt.  You need anything?  Be right back." 
"She's a good girl."  
"Oh here you come now that I'm cutting food!"  
"Let's go pee pee."  
"Ready to go nite nite?"  
"Want Daddy to help you up the stairs?"  
"Are you OK?"  
"She's a good girl."  

She never responded in words, though I know she would if she could.  She did respond with her eyes. And smiles.  And actions.  Always laid back, and never too uptight about anything.  Didn't really mind if other dogs came over and borrowed her stuff or food.  At least not once she got older.  Always present.  Loyal.  Always a look of concern when we were packing luggage.  And then disappointment if we left without her.  And much excitement if she got to come along.  She was the dog I always wanted.  One that would do all the things I described, including lay by my side while I read, or watched TV, or did work, or worked on a project.  She was truly a family member and friend.

Our patterns and routines are disrupted now.  Or maybe un-disrupted is the better description.  Other than our boring cat, and 2 sons still at home, there's no one really depending on Lori and me for food, shelter, and companionship.  Even our robovac has little to do now, whereas, before she filled her belly with Roxie-hair on a daily basis.  (Yes, our robovac has a name and personality)

We obviously still have one another, and someday we will get another (smaller) canine.  But for now, there is a void and an emptiness left by Roxie.  As it should be.  She was a good girl.

In a dog's life

A year is really more like seven

And all too soon a canine

Will be chasing cars in doggie heaven 

 

It seems to me

As we make our own few circles 'round the sun

We get it backwards

And our seven years go by like one      

              

        -- Neil Peart, RUSH